The beliefs and attitudes we form while growing up stay with us through life, and many parents don’t realise how much their own behaviour influences how their children feel about money. Here are seven messages about money you should avoid giving to your children. Children are great imitators. We have all been amused by a child mimicking one of their parents, which is something they all do from a very young age. As a 2014 article by Michigan State University Extension points out: “Infants love to copy facial expressions. In fact, babies as young as just a few hours old can copy an adult who sticks their tongue out. If you smile, they will try to smile back. As babies get older, they get even better at copying your actions. Holding the phone like you do, brushing your hair, mimicking your actions, and copying your words and tone of voice.” In many instances, this imitation will become ingrained. We’ve all seen children who have picked up quirks or turns of phrase from a mother or father, and carry these right into adulthood. The same is true for more significant behaviours too. Children are likely to take on the prejudices, fears and beliefs that they see in their parents, whether they are intentionally taught to them or not.
It’s true for money, too
This is as true for attitudes towards money as anything else. As a paper published in 2016 by Kansas State University points out: “Researchers agree that observation of parents’ financial behaviour is critical to understanding an individual’s financial behaviours. Children who were involved with savings and budgeting discussions with their parents while living at home reported higher subjective financial knowledge as college students. This, in turn, is associated with higher financial wellbeing and ultimately life satisfaction.” Unfortunately, the same is true on the negative side. The paper notes that in families where money matters are kept secret, the children are more likely to grow up worrying about their own spending, or to spend carelessly. “Children who are uninformed about their parents’ financial behaviours and status lack the confidence or ability to manage their own finances as adults.”
Messages about money you shouldn't convey
This shows that we should all be mindful of the messages about money we are passing on to our children - not just those we teach explicitly, but also those they simply pick up from our behaviour. Specifically, there are seven limiting beliefs that we should be careful not to impart:
- Money is the root of evil: If we talk about money as inherently negative or corrupting, it can create guilt or discomfort around the idea of wealth. This may lead children to subconsciously sabotage their own financial success or prevent them from pursuing opportunities for financial growth.
- Money is difficult to attain: The scarcity mindset and the notion that money is hard to come by are unfortunately prevalent in many adults. But this can create a sense of struggle or limit our children’s belief in their ability to earn or accumulate wealth. This potentially leads to a lack of motivation to seek financial opportunities or take calculated risks.
- Money is a measure of self-worth: Some children may internalise the belief that their value as individuals is directly tied to their financial status or material possessions. This belief can lead to a constant pursuit of wealth as a means to validate their self-worth, potentially neglecting other important aspects of life and well-being.
- Money brings happiness: If we act as if money is the key to happiness and fulfilment, that teaches the lesson that it is necessary to constantly chase material possessions or financial success. Unfortunately, this often happens at the expense of other important aspects of life such as relationships, personal growth, and well-being.
- Fear of losing money: Children who grew up in financially unstable or uncertain environments may develop a fear of losing money or experiencing financial hardships. This fear can manifest as a reluctance to take financial risks, a resistance to investing, or an excessive focus on hoarding money for security.
- Lack of financial confidence: When we don’t talk to our children about money and responsible financial management, they may develop a belief that they are not capable of understanding or effectively managing their finances. This lack of confidence can result in avoidance or passivity when it comes to financial matters.
- Money is a source of conflict: Growing up in an environment where money is a regular source of tension or conflict can lead children to associate money with stress. This may lead to avoidance of financial discussions or difficulty in openly addressing financial matters in relationships.
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